Tuesday, June 15, 2010

One Of Us

I'm going into Gemini mode tonight, as Sta, would say.  I can feel my head spinning.  Feel the need to listen to music that is old and comfortable for me.

I've been thinking on some things tonight, trying to format them into something that makes sense to me.  Elusive thoughts that flit in and out of my head, there for a moment, then gone again.

The thing is, I wonder, was I drawn to artists like Melissa Etheridge, Stevie Nicks, etc...because that's where my soul was really comfortable.  Looking back on my choices, I have always put myself right in the center of the queer community.  I may not have been "part" of it, but I was always around it.  I was just instinctively more comfortable there.  I still am.  Organized religion of nearly every form, save some forms of paganism frighten me with the single mindedness of it.

The narrow views, the doing "what you are told"...I've though so many times, life would have been easier if I could have subscribed to that type of thinking.  To that type of life, but I never could, and never really tried.  It's never been something I believed in.

Sure, I believe in being spiritual, but so many things don't make sense to me, and then I think, well if there is a "god or goddess" would they really organize a church based on hate and injustice?  No...they wouldn't.  And since those very things have always been central to my basic belief system, I guess I just naturally gravitated toward the queer community for friendship.

Now that I'm here, across the proverbial fence, I need this support even more, but it's harder to come by here in MT.

Ilene and I are going to Montana's Pride Celebration this weekend.  I'm so looking forward to it.  I've never done "pride" even with all the years I spent living in San Francisco.  That was when I bolted out of town because so many people descended on us.  This will be number one.  I think it will be so good to just be some where even for a few days where I really feel comfortable.

I can't seem to make myself sleep lately, and I'm very tired to show for it.  I need to find some energy to clean my house, and make myself start packing.  Even even been considering hiring a house cleaner for the next month...

Because it's a great song, and it still has a super strong message...

1 comment:

Camlin said...

I'm going to my first pride celebration with gf this month! So excited!