Friday, August 7, 2009

Dazed and Confused

I'm feeling a bit disoriented today. Today is Day number two of calling in at work because my kid is sick, and because today, Me, Myself and I, feel like I'm catching it (it being strep). So anyway, I kept Small Son home today again, and because the kids are going to be with Daddy all weekend, I elected to keep Little Miss home with us as well. I didn't want to go out, and she didn't want to go, so she is here.

I laid down with the kids for a nap, Little Miss was in her room watching a Barbie Princess Movie, and Small Son cuddled down with me in my bed and we watched "The Incredibles", which is one of my favorite kids movies....well we all fell asleep, especially me. When I woke up, I was sure it was 3 or 4 PM...and I had to check 4 different clocks before I believed it was only12:30, lunch time. WTF??? How did I lose track of time so badly, and how did I not know it was so early when we laid down?

We woke up, and the kids wanted canned ravioli's for lunch, which I happily gave them because it meant less work for sick butt.

Yesterday was the formal hearing at the courthouse for the Legal Separation from Hubcap. It made me incredibly sad, and I wasn't expecting it. I was glad I was only going home afterward, and not back to work because I cried the entire way home. It's the right thing to do, but to say I'm sad over it is a major understatement.

Here's the other thing, I'm so stressed about missing work, I feel sick. I know in my heart of hearts, I needed to stay home for Small Son, and for me. I feel the stress of everything finally really catching me. But I have felt nearly panic stricken most of the time for the last few days.

I feel as if I'm going crazy, losing my mind, have no emotional support here except from one friend and Hubcap, and work is throwing me for a loop. The one time in my life I need to have an easy time of it there, is the one time I'm having the roughest job. I am nearly ready to explore my FMLA options as far as taking unpaid time off. I need a few weeks to just be. I need a few weeks where I don't feel like I'm going to vomit every time I go near work, or for that matter even think about work. I need a few weeks to really work on getting my resume redone so I can get out of there.

The one thing that does make me happy now is being home in my new home. I am sitting here listening to my kids play on the computer I bought them (an iMac) and they are having a blast. If by the way you need a new computer, I HIGHLY recommend an iMac. The thing was out of the box, and surfing the net in 5 minutes...and I bought a refurbished on, so it cut the price down a ton. But I'm digressing.

I feel like I've finally got my shit almost together, and work is falling apart. I'm trying so hard to focus on doing the right thing for my family, and trusting that the rest will fall into place. I have to right now. I'm not sure how work is going to turn out ultimately. I am getting a Doctors note for yesterday from the pede, and I'm going in myself in the morning and get one for today, just to cover myself.

I have kids crawling over me, so I'm going to stop here...



Dragon said...

I hope you and your kids feel better!! Incrediable is one of my favorites too. :-)

C said...

hey M, i'm so sorry to hear you guys are under the weather. hope you feel better soon.
i was thinking [and sometimes that's dangerous] but now that you mentioned FMLA, i think that's a great idea, actually. you have started over in your personal life, maybe you need to start fresh with a new job that will be fun for you, and not give ya the shits everyday when you think about going in. why, you could even search for one whilst on FMLA and fuck the bastards where you are now! they have treated you like shit lately. anyhoo, it's just a thought.. worth pondering i must say.
i dont know what your work skills are, but if it was me, i would try to think of what i would wanna do day in and day out for free, just out of pleasure.... and that is your dream job. the fact that you WILL be getting paid [i nearly wrote laid bwabwahhahaha] [i crack meself up] for it makes it SO SAAWEEEEET, N'EST PAS?

ponder honey, ponder
of things to come yonder..
you can do what you will,
deciding whilst yer ill...
life's too short for stresssssss
and you deserve only the besssssss!


[nah, i havent been drinking]