Saturday, August 8, 2009

Thinking, Always Thinking.....

Not even sure where to start, today has been a good day.

It amazes me that I get along with Hubcap so much better now that we are not living in the same place. I spent all day (well maybe not ALL day, but it felt like it) up at the house, working. We are almost done. I can see the end. Came home, took a nap, and then he and the kids came over for dinner. It was nice, we just hung out. Kids played, we BBQ'ed hotdogs, I made a salad and cut up a very sweet watermelon.

Then they went home, and here I sit. In MY living room, with candles, with wine, with music I like, and I'm so freaking relaxed.

I am going to have to work on this part of my life. The relaxing part. The doing what feels good to me part. I'm tired of my shit-ass job defining who I am. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'm going to do it, and come home. I'm going to put up a mental deflection shield from all the negative energy around there. They cannot get me. I've always had my game on at work, and now is no different even if I have a booger for a boss who is so bound and determined to screw with me. It's work, if I make it so it doesn't matter to me, then I can let it go when I come home at night.

I needed a few days off, and my body told me that by getting sick. It always tells me that by getting sick. My mind won't take a day off when I need it, so my body takes a dump...

So, I welcome what is to come. It became crystal clear to me today for some reason that it is all choice on my part. I can choose to be miserable, or I can choose not to be.

I so needed to be on my own. I so needed to live in a place that was mine. I needed to clear my head, and control my own life. I don't know what's out there, who's out there, and what is waiting for me, but I do know I have a choice in all of this.

So, I'm thinking, moving out and moving on....was a good thing...

M

1 comment:

cctjt said...

OH....I so hear you on the being alone thing. The two weeks that my h moved out we got along so much better...if for no other reason than I slept a lot better.
I'm glad you're feeling comfortable about the decisions you've made...

CCT