Monday, January 18, 2010


A tribute to Dr. King, sung just a few days after he was murdered by one of my favorite singers, Nina Simone.

I'm surprised I hadn't heard this, leave it to Sta to make me aware of it.

Lots of thinking going on inside today. Hanging out with the kidlet's is always good for my mental health, but today I just don't seem to have any energy.

I'm so dreading going back to work tomorrow. My boss is back from vacation. Not looking forward to that at all. Also, it's been sort of a hard week to get my head around the fact there is a hiring freeze on state workers right now. That means no job hunting for me, and being stuck somewhere I swore I'd really be working to leave after the 1st of the year. There must be some higher meaning in this, but I'm not quite sure of what it is. Sometimes I don't think I can keep walking even one more day.

Found out Hubcap took money out of our equity line and paid his rent three months in advance. I knew he was going to pull something like this, I couldn't figure out how he was going to make it once February came, since that was the end of his "paid in advance" rent from August. I was beyond mad, since I've had to make an arrangement with my mom to borrow a set sum of money each month just to make it. So why is it so easy for him to just "take" money out of our equity line that he promised me he wouldn't touch? Why is it I feel honor bound to be a decent human being to him, when I want to strangle him? Why Why Why??????

I'm just so tired of this, so done with it all. The despair I feel when I think of it too much is overwhelming. I want to run away sometimes, but I can't. I'm too grown up, have too many responsibilities. I have the kids, whom I adore, but who wear me out.

I had a bath this weekend, alone, and a shower alone, and it was sheer heaven. I ate good food and hung out with "her" and that was wonderful. It gives me hope that this hard phase is maybe, somehow coming to an end.


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