Having so much trouble writing lately. I think of all these wonderful things, then I'm too tired to write.
This has been something that has been floating around my head for awhile.
One of Hubcaps favorite things to say to me is: "It's all about you"....It's amazing the different meaning this simple phrase takes on when someone else says it to me.
He said: "It's all about you....this divorce....you are selfish....."
She said: As she's stroking my hair, "It's all about you baby....let me love you.......It's all about you...."
He says when I ask him to pick up his kids: "Why should I do that? It's always ALL ABOUT YOU?", even though I remind him, it's really ALL about the kids...
But she says: "Baby...you are tired, go take a nap, I'll watch the kids..."It's all about you"...as she looks at me lovingly.
I've never had anyone treat me like this before. Like I can actually take a break, and become a human who is tired, who needs a nap, and doesn't need to explain "why"....
I'm tired, and I'm falling more in love every day.
More to write, but not much time to write it out.
My house closes escrow on July 30th.....
Hubcap has "figured" out about me and my girl....he was predictably nasty.
I talked to "HER"...the old "her", if you all remember this week.
She reminded me that I had given him a hundred chances...lists..expectations...etc...
She reminded me how I used to call her in a panic at night so we could talk because he was doing this to me way back then.
I needed to hear this from someone that was there with me. I needed to be reminded that I'm not making this all up in my head, like I sometimes feel I am after he gets done with me.
I'm caught up in a million nuances and what ifs...
I am finally really divorced....the papers were filed by my attorney at the courthouse on Friday.
He told me that I "had" change my name back to my maiden name, that he didn't want me to have "his" name.
I told him, NO, my name will remain the same, because I need my name to remain the same as my kids...he didn't get it. It's not that I want his name, but I must keep myself united with my children.
The light is finally peeking through the dark mists at the end of the proverbial tunnel.