The hell that I call divorce and house selling is never going to end. I can't believe our house is really ever going to sell. I hate my realtor, and plan on firing his sorry ass as soon as I can.

I am going to meet "her" in Missoula this weekend and she is going to meet the kidlets. Adjoining rooms, indoor water park and good fun, I think we can all use some.

I really am doing okay, it's just this constant gnawing at me, like a sore tooth funny enough, that makes this sometimes feel unbearable. My connections to Hubcap are tenuous at best right now. I emailed him today because he has not responded to my question last week about finalizing the divorce, and how much more time does he really need. Well today I told him that I thought June 1 was fair. Now of course he isn't talking to me. Big surprise really, what I don't get is why he can't see that this doesn't work on me anymore?

Not only that, but I called him tonight, due to the "right of first refusal" clause in our separation agreement, and asked him if he'd like to have Little Miss for a few hours on Friday night while I take Small Son to the movies to see "Avatar". He told me "NO", that I'd better get a babysitter. Asswipe. He doesn't want to spend any time with his kids that he is not "required" to do. My therapist seems to think he will fade off into the great blue yonder, as things become final. I almost don't care. I almost don't care about child support even if he'd just leave us alone. I'm sorry for my kids, but they are never going to have the dad I want them to have. They are never going to have the kind of dad that I had.

They have a sorry ass excuse of a dad that really doesn't give a shit about them. He could give a rip if I put them with a sitter, if they really have enough to eat, if their home work is done. He doesn't know they cry for him, nor does he seem to care. I've told him over and over that they want to spend time with him. How can anyone turn their back on kids as beautiful and wonderful as mine?

I don't and never will understand where his sense of duty and obligation went. That he hates me, doesn't really matter to me. That he won't do shit for his own kids and just assumes that I'm the one that "needs" to do this because "he didn't ask for this" makes me nearly hate what little part of him is still left inside.

Oh well, all I can do is what I can do, and that is to make sure my babies know I'm here and not going anywhere...

Mon